What would have been

Title: What would have been
Author: shansgrl
Rating: PG (for a little cursing)
Author note: I wrote this for an off world challenge at the LJ community SG500 (I think), but never posted it. I wasn’t happy with it, and still not sure if I am. But here it is.
Summary: Daniel’s life began when he came to the Stargate….



He often wondered what his life would have been like if he hadn’t joined the Stargate program.

It’s funny how he could compartmentalize his life into two categories. Before and after he joined SGC.

Before the program he was very much a loner, but it wasn’t always by choice. His intelligence had often set him apart, not only from his childhood schoolmates, but also his contemporaries as an adult. He was painfully shy and awkward around everyone. He imagined this stemmed from ever forming lasting bonds to his foster families. He fit the typical description of “nerd” and “geek” very well physically because of the glasses he wore, and was tall and gangly. He never really minded being labeled as a nerd, though. People left him alone, and when they didn’t, he sometimes was able to escape the situation and sometimes he didn‘t. As a child, he always got beat up more than some of the other unpopular kids at school. He was an easy mark, because he never could run fast enough, he had no friends that would stick up for him, and his foster parents never really cared enough to follow up with the schools or any with any of the other kids‘ parents. As an adult, whenever he was confronted, he just walked away. The one time he did stand up for himself, took the chance, because he knew he was right, and had been laughed at by his colleagues. Ironically it was that moment that brought him to the Stargate. Most of the time though, people in the present just didn‘t interest him, with the exception of a few. It was always the past that drew him, that kept him company. He never even knew he was lonely until he worked on the Stargate. And if he wanted to be absolutely truthful with himself, he never met anyone he wanted to be around until the Stargate program. Until the day Catherine Langford came to him, he had no idea who Daniel Jackson really was. It was that day he started on his journey of discovering himself, and started to live.

His intelligence still set him apart, but instead of being ostracized, he was respected for it.

He was still shy, but no longer awkward. His bonds with Sha’re, Jack, Sam, Teal’c and the ones now forming with Cameron and Vala continue to help him overcome awkwardness. If a macho hardass like Jack O’Neill can think of him as family, then there could be no person or being in this galaxy he could feel awkward with.

People could still mistake him for a nerd; he still wore the glasses and he was still tall. But underneath his baggy khakis and sweaters, his body was trim and strong. Now, if needed, he could and would defend himself. No more escaping; by standing up for himself, it gave him a sense of self. But he would never admit that, especially to Jack.

Yes, he wondered what his life would have if the Stargate had not found him. But he knew that without it, Daniel Jackson would never have lived.